Hey guys, this is my blog, if you ever seen it before, or if you ever remembered, I have left it untouched for a long long time even when I promised to blog more often. Haha. Well, what brings me back today? Hm... many events that triggered me actually. Or rather, the same old events that keep resurfacing over and over again when I didn't want it to. Negative events. Mostly.
Anyway, I dunno why, but I think it's time for me to vomit out everything that I've been swallowing for the past one year plus. Some of you guys may have heard it before, some of you may be 1st timers in listening to what I am about to say. Nevertheless I hope after this ranting and ramblings in this post everything will move on and all these will be thrown away from my life, never to come back again.
Alright, starting from last year, after I had such a great time during the 1st 3 mths in yjc, everthing went downhill since then till the point it has hit ROCK BOTTOM. And I really mean BOTTOM. THE GROUND. THE FLOOR. THE SURFACE. THE.... BUTT. It was really bad. Maybe it is just me. It all started during the one-day orientation in poly. I was very excited, hoping to meet new friends, have a new school life, and feel great and just being myself.
However, the orientation was a disappointment. I felt nothing. I just wanted to do something else that day. And bascially, since then, I felt nothing till this very day. Sad huh? Is it just me?
So yeah, after the orientation, school starts not long after and I thought that things may change since it takes time for me warm up to the people and the course environment. Devastatingly it never happened. People claimed that they were close to one another and united but seriously, I found it rather pretentious. During the 1st semester in year 1 all I hear about during lunch most of the time would be PROJECT WORK, WORK AND WORK. Comon' I know that the projects are important but please IT IS DISTURBING if it happens almost all the time during lunch.
But you know what? It may be disturbing, but I won't feel THAT lousy unless more crappy stuff happens, and IT DID happen. This is the first time I heard people say 'we are enthusastic! and let's organise an outing for the class' and it never happened. Sigh. And after a year of being in the same class, I don't even know what everyone is doing during the holidays, let alone getting to know them well.
And to make things worse, my interests don't click with many people. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's them. And many dissappointing things did happen in school that slowly changed the way I act and behave in school. I began to stone in school. I stopped trying to strike up conversations with my classmates simply because it generally never works. Now, I rather be alone sometimes. I rather be a loner in school than to face them. Group work was never really fun. I feel that I'm totally out of my comfort zone trying to show people that I'm ok. That I am fine with the things and decisions made. Well I gotta get this clear:
I AM NOT OK NOW AND I WHAT I NEED IS CHANGE.
Save me from the nothing I have become in school.
Be it change of people, environment, whatever. I need something to push me ahead and forget about all these. There are actually alot of things I wanna say but I can't sort everyting out in this post. I'm tired of the stuff that is happening over and over again in school. Now, I feel like I am having split personalities, one in school and one outside of school. As long as I'm not in school facing them, I feel great. I feel like doing so many things, crapping around, going up the downward escalator while shouting 'I'm a dumbass!', laughing to madtv and going on budget outings with friends that costs between 0 to 3 bucks. LOL.
*So this kinda concludes what I am feeling now. Yeah. I need to let it all out. It may seem like a small matter to you guys (maybe) but yeah, just asking, anyone having similar problems such as this too? Anyway, after this post, it's really time to move on. This will be history and I will do whatever it takes to find a way back to school life.
Cause I lost my school life long ago, and I really do miss it.
This post has existed since 7/05/2007 11:57:00 pm